The United States of America… Perhaps the greatest “cringe compilation” of all time.
(via moonry)
“Somewhere in me a city’s on fire.”— Christine Taylor, from “When They Come,” published in Glass: A Journal of Poetry
(Source: glass-poetry.com, via night-rooms)
Your brother has recently died, and while going through his things you find a letter addressed to you. “If you’re reading this,” it says, “that means I’m dead. The following names are the prime suspects for my murder…”
I gasped.
”Ellen The Generous.”
Fuck. Anyone but… her.
I felt a chilling sensation down my spine and my heart racing. I felt the crotch of my pants get wet. She had actually done it.
Ellen The Generous had killed my brother.
But how?
I remembered the tape. I went down to the basement. And there was the box. The big box that had ”Things we don’t talk about” written on it.
There certainly was a lot to unpack there. This was a fucked up family, after all.
But the tape. The tape was the worst of it all.
I looked at it, my hands shaking. ”Johny on Ellen Show”. Fuck. I hadn’t seen this in years. I was hoping I would never have to. But I needed every clue I could get.
I put the tape into the VHS and turned on the TV.
”Here we go”, I sighed to myself as I sat down in the living room couch.
The clip starts with Ellen DeGeneres smiling and waving at the camera. You can’t see the evil in her yet. Because she hasn’t transformed yet.
”We have a guest here today”, said Ellen normally. ”His name is Johny. Please welcome him.”
My brother walked out on the stage to the audience clapping and cheering. He was 12 years old in this video.
”And what’s your talent, Johny? What will you do for us today?” asked Ellen.
I watched my brother tell Ellen about his juggling skills. There wasn’t much time left now.
He started juggling with food. Fruits and vegetables. And there it was.
The tomato.
His hand slipped and he accidentally threw the tomato in Ellen’s face. And right then, you could feel the energy shift in the studio.
”What the fuck?” said Ellen while wiping the tomato off her face. She looked angry and evil now. The audience laughed nervously.
”Shut the fuck up.” said Ellen evilly while looking at the crowd.
The audience gasped loudly. Everyone was in shock now. And it wasn’t funny anymore.
”I will no longer be called Ellen The Generous for I am now evil. I am now Hellen The Devilish. And it is your fault.” she said while looking my brother deep in the eyes.
”You have destroyed my image and my show. Your life ends seven years from today.”
The audience gasped once again. How could she say this on a daytime talk show? And to a child? This woman was horrifying.
A few people in the back of the audience tried to sneak outside.
”You will sit down.” she said sternly. She snapped her finger at one of the staff workers.
”You will bring me a bucket.”
The employee ran away and came back with a bucket which she handed to Hellen, who went to stand next to an audience member in the first row.
”Give me your most valuable item.”
”B-but that’s… the w-wedding ring I got f-from my grandma” the poor young woman stammered.
Hellen smiled darkly. ”I don’t give a fuck.”
The audience member cried and put the ring into the bucket, her hands trembling. The older lady next to her fainted.
I can only assume that was her grandma.
I turned off the TV. I had seen enough.
The clues had been there all along. But nobody had paid attention to them. And now it was too late.
”Your life ends seven years from today.”
The day he died was exactly seven years from the day filled with horror.
Oh, and how did my brother die, exactly?
Easy.
That day, he had eaten a salad for lunch.
But then they found out that the tomato was poisoned.
(via oceanalleey)
